Well I am going to be the first to say it! CONGRATULATIONS. With the divorce rate being tragically high, being a Gen-Xer (and thus have seen many a boomer marriage explode/implode/ including my own parents) it is very encouraging. Though (as in most of your posts) there is some aspect in which I disagree with you. Only two points JC (actually I am not going to call you that as some may think I am referring to THE JC, whose followers you like to give stick to): 1.Dr John Gottman is talking tosh! A man must not treat his wife as if she were his mother. My wife would hate it if I 'did as I were told'. Praise God I am not married to a woman who tries to treat me like her son. And I am certain she is praising God that she is not married to a man who treats her like his Mum! 2 Holding hands - You are spot on. Holding hands is not enough. When I take my wife (of 12 years) out not only do I hold her hand. I kiss her passionately. You may have seen us at Scratchleys on the night of April 12th 2008. Remember? That happy couple, aged 33 and 30 celebrating their 11th wedding anniversary, kissing passionately? Yep that was us. 3. As for being formally married not making a difference. I beg to differ. The stats show a strong correlation between divorce and couples who shack up before they marry. The majority of couples who live together don't make it to marriage. Of those that do 70% divorce inside 10 years. Marriage is a great blessing, (as I am sure you agree. Don't bite the hand that feeds you. (Hand = marriage, not Hand = wife) - though I am sure you would not bite your wife's hand, you don't even hold her hand! HAHAHAHA And my advice: Ok here we go: 1. Don't live together before you are married: Living together is NOT the same as marriage. Living together tries to create the illusion that one can have the committment of marriage and the freedom of singleness at the same time. This is nonsense. And what happens is women lose. They wait for their man to pop the question and he thinks, "why buy the cow when I get the milk for free?" (See also 3rd point above). Marriage (be it civil or religious) does have a buttressing effect on the couple who get married. Vows are made, promises are exchanged, both are done in front of witnesses. This is why in part weddings are a public event. It involves the whole community (even though community is sadly becoming more of a foreign notion). Granted, I have heard many times over the years that "marriage is just a piece of paper" - which only reveals ones low and inaccurate view of marriage. I certainly did not marry my wife for the piece of paper. I meant my vows! 2. Do marriage prep: My wife and I found it very helpful. A couple uniting in marriage will have different communication styles, different family backgrounds, different views on having children, how to raise them, how to handle money, conflict resolution, spirituality, in laws. Marriage prep is a great tool in helping couples to talk about these things because in marriage these issues do come up. So it is very very helpful to bring these things up before one is married. 3. Communicate and learn each other's love language (not including sex). How many women complain about their husband's romantic gestures (cards, flowers, tender words) soon stop after they are married? How does one feel most loved? 4. Focus more on your marriage, not the wedding day: So many brides get caught up on being the princess for the day. The blokes just see it as the thing to do for the Missus. Yes enjoy the day, celebrate the day. But marriage is so much more than just that one day. It sounds like a truism doesn't it? Yet I think it is so easily forgotten. 5. A certain person whose initials are also JC said "Love one another, the way I have loved you". This is great marriage advice. Of course it really really helps if you love JC first! Sorry for the long post Jeff, but I reckon this post of yours is excellent and I am really looking forward to reading what others have to say (and what you have to say of course!) Joshua

Jeff, I'd like to respond frankly to this subject but the missus always checks up on what I write and I'm scared sh*tless of her.

Don't!

Any successful relationship will have Respect. Respect and yes acts of generosity. It is difficult to not be selfish - we are taught on every level to be selfish. Just look at advertising! I believe all the good things come out of respect - kindness generosity etc.

Leahkf has said it well. I would only add COMMUNICATE. Most of us can improve the way we communicate. Blokes can generally be more aware of the less explicit nature of many women's communication......and women need to understand that most blokes need things said in simple, explicit terms. Talk, check, ask, tell - don't assume. And enjoy the journey.

Respect for each others feeling is very important. In these times couples have to pull together anyway to live. Support each other is a must. But I must say I have been on my own for many year and brought up 2 children and one grandchild on my own. Done everything myself. Hard work So support lightens that. I am very independant though and I think thats a good thing to. CONGRATULATIONS. anyway.

hi Jeff i-ve been married for 33 years (to the same person) i think the secret to a long relationship is to always be kind to each other, think about each others feelings and have a good sense of humour. laughter puts many seemingly overwhelming problems into perspective and i think is a necessity not just for a good marriage but for life in general. p.s. congratulations!!!

One more thing - I reckon the whole 'wedding' has become an overblown joke. Aruiously expensive, uncomfortable, synthetic party? No thanks. For anyone planning to marry, i would say REMEMBER that the 'wedding industry' is only there to take your money off you. Avoid 'expos' and wedding planners. Set a reasonable budget and stick to it. None of your guests (or you!) will remember the table decorations, or music, or food, or bridesmaids dresses, or DJ, or weather 10 years from now. They just MIGHT remember how the bride and groom look at each other..... :)

I am happily married too, Jeff and there is no hand holding or flower giving for me. Also thanks for sparing us any reference to the L... word often used in marriage and family but also with greyhounds, beer, music and chocolates.

Thirty years! you don't get that for murder in this country, only joking good on you, your wife must be a fantastic person putting up with you Jeff, again joking. Hey once at work myself and four others were talking about marriage, and we are all experts, we had thirteen marriages between us! plus afew live togethers that did'nt work. Well done it is an achievement. (i like holding hands so maybe your onto something there).