Beards don't just happen, and don't believe any man who tries to tell you that he has a beard simply because he tired of shaving. He decided to grow a beard because he wanted to convey a message to the world, a message about himself, and the cruel fact is that the intended message and the real message never match.
Take the weak chin. A man with a weak chin grows a beard to tell the world that therein lies a man who does not have a weak chin, while a beard on a man with a weak chin always shouts that fact.
Eccentricity. A man who wants to be seen as eccentric always has an unusual beard to announce his eccentricity, when such a beard announces instead that therein lies a try-hard.
Non-conformity. Artists and intellectuals use beards to attest that they do not conform, yet when you see two or more together it is clear they are slaves to conformity.
Take the goatee, in either variety.
As a strangely sparse unkempt growth worn by westies it is meant to mark them as having attained a proud level of Aussie manhood, when the fact is that these growths flecked with insect shells stamp them as the most undesirable Australians. And numbers don't translate to desirability.
The assiduously sculpted and manicured goatee is worn by men to claim sophistication, when the reality is that they shout affectation. Such men would have used a cigarette holder held between two fingers in the smoking days; these days they'll have personalised number plates and comically ambition business cards.
What's your take on the beard? Let's unmask the pretenders.
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