This need to claim an interest in the most boring proceedings involving a ball ever devised is clearly behind two sets of statistics I was quoted yesterday. The first set came about when I protested against SBS's screening the cricket on SBS One rather than the obscure SBS Two. But, SBS said, the Ashes series had doubled that channel's average prime-time ratings for the year! SBS says that one in eight people who watch television watched the cricket on SBS One. My point was that by screening the cricket on SBS One the station's regular viewers were denied their programs, and that people who watch SBS as a matter of course are unlikely to want to watch cricketers scratching their jockstrap itch.

The second set of statistics is no more credible. Sweeney Sports, which is a research service for sport in Australia, says in its most recent report that 51 per cent of Australians are interested in cricket. Effectively, since few women even profess to be interested in cricket, that means that all men are interested in cricket. The old urge to conform is alive and well. Sweeney tops this by claiming that one in seven Australians participates in cricket as a player or official. I suppose they get a lift with flying pigs to and from the game.

Cricket is a ceremony, not a game or a sport, and I'm prepared to state publicly that I'd rather watch an entire Olympics Games opening ceremony than an hour of overs, even if every ball and every run does set a new record, as every ball and every run seems to do when there are no streakers or seagulls. Are you prepared to admit the same or are you bogged still in the old meat-and-veg definition of manliness?