Opinion

Myths of fatherhood

I've never heard of the documentary series Being Dad, but that doesn't mean much at all. It is to be screened on the Lifestyle Channel on Father's Day, and I don't know of such a channel either. I need to get out more, or, since it's television, stay in more.

The Being Dad people have, however, undertaken a survey that does interest me. The survey asked questions of more than 2000 fathers and it was the answers that were not reported in the survey findings that interest me.

One in four fathers felt, according to the survey results, that they were not ready during their partner's pregnancy to be a father, and this means that just one in four of the fathers responding to the survey were first-time fathers. No man who is induced by a woman's wiggling nubility to take her as his wife can ever be prepared for what is very likely to happen shortly thereafter!

Then one in eight fathers admit to wondering if the baby is really theirs, and I simply cannot accept that the other seven did not become even just mildly suspicious when the wife's family members and friends insist on exclaiming about the baby having hubby's nose, or ears, or complexion. Do they know something hubby doesn't? I've never seen a hint of likeness yet.

Two in five said their major emotion after the birth was relief, so what did the remaining three feel? Shock-induced emptiness, I suggest. I've been there with extreme reluctance five times and I tell you all with authority that childbirth for hubby is traumatic, grisly and harrowing. And I never ventured south of the end making the noise!

Three in five fathers said their relationship with their wife after the birth was more about the baby. Only three! I'd say the other two in five have taken off in fright.

Come on, let's bury the PC waffle and saccharine myth. Give us the lowdown on what new fatherhood meant for you.

Posted By: Jeff Corbett on 26/08/2009 5:55:00 PM | Comments (23)

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I often say Fathers are utterly neglected throughout pregnancy, childbirth, and the early years of their child's life [oops, sorry - recklessly used an apostrophe.....]. The mother is showered with praise, support, comfort, compliments, sympathy, gifts, encouragement, friendship, nurturing, information, counselling, help. The father gets nothing. No support. No counselling. Nada. In this god forsaken age, the poor bloke doesn't even get a cigar. No "hey ~ how do you feel about all this? Are you ok?" NOTHING. They are treated like lepers, lucky to have bedded the glowing mother in the first place. They are forced into slavery, attending to whatever whim enters the head of the child's mother...or her mother. It is assumed that the Father is akin to Fred Flintstone, and is an idiot, whilst the Mother is a naturally gifted child rearing genius, despite the abysmal shortcoming of the Father. Most Fathers are, of course, completely enchanted by the new arrival, and willingly forgo their own identity and self esteem for years, without a whimper. Which is a good thing, becasue nobody gives a hoot. Father's mental health is neglected and ignored. Post natal depression isn't only for women.

Posted by Abundance, 27/08/2009 11:14:24 AM, on The Herald

Beautifully expressed, Abundance.

Posted by Jeff Corbett on 27/08/2009 11:27:02 AM

Well, for me, i wasn't there for the birth, not because i was out golfing, but because i didn't meet my Fiance until the child was 1 year old. He is now 5 (almost 6) and i missed alot of the nappies and sleepless night thing but even though he is not my own blood, you do get a connection with the little feller. I guess i have the father blindness, i think he is the cutest kid around, and he is the smartest and the best at sport too. I run to his cries and i can distinguish a cry for attention to his cry in pain and fear. Also Jeff, i doubt many people can see similarities in kids to their parents, i have caught numerous people out when they say, Oh nafe he's got your nose, or your smile, which is impossible. He is getting some of my manerisms (sp?) which are quite cute but, thankfully for my little man, he looks nothing at all like me.

Posted by Nafe, 27/08/2009 11:26:33 AM, on The Herald

Well said abundance,i can still recall vividly hanging nappies on the clothes line thinking how do i get out of this one.

Posted by horse, 27/08/2009 11:39:11 AM, on The Herald

Ahhh the respect a family has for dad was summed up in a comment on tv last night. The poser was What major event throughout the year ie Xmas, Easter, Mothers Day etc. has the least amount of money spent on it? Answer: Fathers Day

Posted by MizJasper, 27/08/2009 11:41:37 AM, on The Herald

MizJasper, the money spent on Father's Day usually belongs to the father in the first place!

Posted by stormbringer, 27/08/2009 12:46:23 PM, on The Herald

Sheesh, that's a tough one, stormbringer! Don't you regard your income as household income?

Posted by Jeff Corbett on 27/08/2009 1:02:37 PM

Fathers are neglected in alot of aspects of childraising. Family Law courts punished fathers even if the mother had run off with another man, was living with druggies and selling herself at Islington. Children are used by mothers for power over the poor divorced dad. I have alot of time for dads just trying to be part of their childrens life under these circumstances, it is stacked against them. As for the birth, most men i know fell in Love with their children as babies and would die in a pool of blood protecting them. But it is a woman thing, so guys support and indulge your partner at this time, and if you feel neglected, all i can say is it passes, i hear many women say "he is a great dad". PS Jeff can you tell me why the NH has a comment section for news on Child molesting Priests then never publishes the comments, and wipes the comment section.

Posted by Buell, 27/08/2009 12:47:55 PM, on The Herald

There are a minefield of difficulties in publishing comments about priests and allegations of sexual abuse, Buell, because in our area now two are before the courts to answer those allegations. And so we've withdrawn the invitation to comment. But in time, I expect, you'll have an opportunity.

Posted by Jeff Corbett on 27/08/2009 1:08:07 PM

Jeff, to simplay answer your point on the Household Income. It appears my income is household income, and her income is her income. :)

Posted by Nafe, 27/08/2009 1:12:40 PM, on The Herald

Hi Jff Do you have an alternate email address I can send you a rather lengthy expose of brumbies and other stock being slaughtered in the Snowy area. It makes interesting reading based on the 1/7/09 blog concerning the killing in national parks. Cheers

Posted by MizJasper, 27/08/2009 4:35:44 PM, on The Herald

Yes MizJasper: jcorbett@theherald.com.au

Posted by Jeff Corbett on 27/08/2009 4:40:37 PM

Anyone can father a child, but it takes a real man to be a Dad. It does seem to be assumed that men know nothing when it comes to child raising, and often because the mothers do all the research and the stuff they "intuitively" know is the result of this research or the mysterious conversations they have with their peers. I recommend two excellent books for fathers of boys (actually, for all men) - "Raising Boys", & "Manhood" by Aussie author Steve Biddulph. Absolute crackers, both.

Posted by Perspective, 27/08/2009 4:51:19 PM, on The Herald

Fatherhood for me? Picture a young man with his girlfriend waiting at a bus stop in Marrickville across the road from The Canton chinese in 1968. Then picture the young man literally jumping for joy when his girlfriend gives him the good news just as the bus rolls up. I wanted kids. There lies the difference between many parents who don't particularly, and the way kids are brought up. I wanted three and, risk or not, after my beloved became pregnant for the third and final time I was off to the local 'nip'n'tuck shop (sorry 'bout the 'postrophes). We had two girls. After the snip job a boy came along to give us a lovely trio. They in turn have given us 6 grandkids. If we had our time again my wife would probably run a mile. Me? I'd do it all again. FYI, it was not considered the done thing for the father to attend the birth in those days so I missed out, but I do recall my wife spending the last three months of her term in hospital due to difficulties. I used to visit her every day, lying there with her knees up under the bedclothes. One day I tried to do my usual patting of her tummy and the sheets just hit the deck. She's had the bub. She just grinned!

Posted by Vic, 27/08/2009 5:11:06 PM, on The Herald

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