Where you’re expected to talk softly and not at all on your phone, to be trialled from Monday. Great idea, right? Maybe.

But we’re always on the lookout for ways to help the state government test its ideas. So we boarded a train to do some research.

We tried several modes of obnoxious behaviour, like talking on our phone (on speaker), snoring, eating a bag of pretzels and singing along to Gotye and Kimbra’s hit Somebody That I Used to Know.

Then we gauged the reaction of our fellow passengers (silence, scowling and indifference) and observed their jerkish behaviour.

And here, as a result, are some reasons quiet carriages probably won’t happen.

– Teenage girls.

They and their friends are so random and they, like, need to talk about it. Deal.

– Tradition.

Can you imagine an unmarked carriage being allowed to exist between Fassifern and Wyong? We don’t see cause for a sudden outpouring of consideration.

– Newcastle to Sydney trains are thirsty places.

How else would you explain the pantless teen Topics encountered on the Central Coast line swigging a whole Sprite bottle of something that smelled like paint-thinner?

– The chap Topics shared Broadmeadow station bathroom with yesterday. He sounded like he was losing a lung. Try getting him to be quiet on a train. Most of those sounds were involuntary.

– The F3 derby.

Can a carriage be quiet while on fire?