VIDEO: TOPICS - XXXL-rated fun

GO preview the show, they said. It’ll be fun, they said.

True, an offer to sample the Newcastle Show before the general public was, on paper, too good to refuse.

Sugar. Clowns. White knuckle fear. This would be a day at the show crammed into an hour.

On the upside, the place was deserted except for us and the showies. But on the downside, the place was deserted except for us and the showies.

We soon realised the hard-bitten carnival workers were a breed apart. They have stomachs of iron. Their dodgem car skills can rattle your teeth. 

And there’s no point asking a showy to rate the scariness of a ride.

After a bucket of fairy floss and reassurance that we’d be fine, Topics took a ride on the XXXL, a towering torture instrument from which we might never recover.

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