Cher and the queens of experience

So, Cher appeared with all guns blazing at the recent Billboard Music Awards, and the internet lost its collective mind.

Even my mum sent me a text: “Did you see Cher? She looks fabulous”. Indeed she did. At 70-something, Cher was a force of fabulousness with her glam ‘hair’, barely there Bob Mackie costume and pasties (nipple pasties, not the Cornish baked good). 

The parlous state of global politics was forgotten momentarily and opinion was polarised. It really kicked off when professional possum-stirrer (or squirrel-stirrer, as he’s English) Piers Morgan got all uppity about the sight of Queen Cher in all her showbiz glory. His response sounded as if he had seen the actual Queen (Liz) in her smalls: “At what point do Cher’s outfits become inappropriate? She’s 70!”. Co-presenter Susanna Reid said “Oh yes, because you have a cutoff … at 59. Morgan corrected her that it was 56, and pointed out that Cher’s body was created by a surgeon. Then, mercifully, he spilled hot tea on himself and changed the subject.

So, possums, what is the cutoff for Cher? My answer: Whenever she god-damn pleases. Probably never.

One of the many great things about Cher is that she doesn’t give a furry rat’s backside what anyone thinks of her.  And, thankfully for today’s younger women, there are a whole host of Senior Queens in the spotlight who also don’t give a furry rat’s about what’s “inappropriate”, which is such an appropriate (see beige) word for someone like Morgan, 52, to use.

Cher is what I like to call a majestic maven because, over the years, she has become an expert in being her. She calls the shots on her life, image and career. And, yes, she also calls the shots with her plastic surgeon, and probably will to the day they cart her off in a bejewelled box (velvet lined).  Here are a few of my other favourite majestic mavens who don't give a furry rat's what date is on their birth certificate.

Iris Apfel

Fashion legend, designer and businesswoman. She’s in her 90s and is still rocking her statement glasses and adornments. She’s way too busy to visit Appropriate Land. 

Helen Mirren

Perennial goddess who has played that other Queen, Elizabeth II. Mirren confidently sports an “I don’t give a furry rat’s” stare and tattoos. Try telling her what is appropriate. You know that won’t end well.

Patti Smith

The high priestess of punk toured this year. With her long grey locks and black tuxedo, the forever-fierce artist never looked – or sounded – better. 

Cyndi Lauper

This creative powerhouse and activist is still confusing people with her sweet face/sharp mouth combo. She’s so unusual.

Lee Lin Chin

The SBS news queen loves cutting-edge fashion, is the mistress of dead-pan delivery and is a dominatrix on Twitter. Lee Lin Motherflippin’ Chin also loves free beer and knife fights. 

Shine on you fabulous beings.

Who are your favourite majestic mavens?