SATIRE

Thong tree at Swansea is so very Australian

Aussie Aussie Aussie: This tree at Swansea caravan park caught our attention. We wonder if more of these will grow elsewhere.
Aussie Aussie Aussie: This tree at Swansea caravan park caught our attention. We wonder if more of these will grow elsewhere.

This is a thong tree.

We spotted it at Swansea caravan park.

The thong tree is a place where old thongs go to retire.

It’s also a place where a thong goes when it has lost its fellow thong.

A caravan park is a fitting place for a thong tree because thongs are the standard footwear. 

Thongs or bare feet, that is.

Australia wouldn’t be Australia without caravan parks.

And Australia wouldn’t be Australia without thongs.

You might think that Australians invented thongs, but that was the ancient Egyptians.

Thongs and caravan parks fall into that category of quintessential Australian things, like Vegemite, Milo, ugg boots, Neighbours, the Opera House, the Harbour Bridge, AC/DC, koalas, kangaroos, Ned Kelly, beer, barbecues, meat pies, Shane Warne, Tim Tams, the Hills Hoist and the Melbourne Cup.

Cricket Season

The new cricket nets at Carrington.

The new cricket nets at Carrington.

Speaking of Aussie things, the new Carrington cricket nets have been getting lots of use.

We hear budding cricketers have been practicing their skills there, imitating the Aussies smashing the Poms in the Ashes.

The fifth test of the series – to be held at the SCG –  starts on Thursday.

It’s a dead rubber, with the Aussies having already won the series 3-0.

Newcastle City Council CEO Jeremy Bath feels sorry for the Poms, so he’s decided to invite them to the opening of the new Carrington nets.

“Perhaps their dismal batting is the result of practicing with inferior cricket nets,” he quipped in an email, while adding the hashtag #ComeToNewyPoms.

We hear the Aussies might play a second spinner in the fifth test.

We’re definitely not going to use this turn of events to make a joke about councils and spin.

That would be a cheap shot. And it wouldn’t be cricket. 

Cord Rage

You’ve heard of road rage, but how about cord rage?

Sometimes we feel like we’re being tangled and strangled by cords.

Phones, laptops, Playstations, fans – they all need cords. And we shouldn’t forget earphones because they’re the cords most prone to tangle.

We can’t understand why cords still exist in the era of Wi-Fi and Bluetooth. 

Perhaps they won’t be around too much longer.

Futurists predict that cords and phone chargers will be obsolete by 2025.

Other things that could go by the wayside include credit cards [replaced by smartphone payments], remote controls [replaced by voice command technology] and keys [replaced by wireless touch or swipe technology].

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