Was Bernard Tomic or Nick Kyrgios to blame?

Taking a look at this tennis racquet, one could be forgiven for thinking it was owned by Bernard Tomic or Nick Kyrgios.

It actually belongs to Peter Kilborn, of Mirrabooka in south-west Lake Macquarie.

Peter has been holding on to this racquet for a long time – about a decade, in fact.

He keeps it so he can continue to tell the yarn about how the racquet became bent.

Topics reckons it’s a tale that could become a children’s book.

The book could be an allegory about the dangers of assumption, the power of nature and the dodgy quality of sporting goods. 

It all began when Peter opened his boot one day before a game of tennis to find the damaged racquet.

“What the Dickens happened here,” he thought.

Peter recalled he had lent the racquet to his two sons-in-law.

“I thought ‘good heavens, one must have pushed something heavy onto it and bent the jolly thing’.”

Then he thought “they’re both responsible guys, surely they wouldn’t have done it”.

Peter felt a bit embarrassed about having to ask his sons-in-law about the matter.

He chose a considerate moment to have a discreet chat to the lads. Both of them swore they knew nothing about it.

“I was mystified,” Peter said.

Sometime later, Peter was playing tennis with a group at Toronto.

He showed the damaged racquet to his companions.

Much laughter ensued, as Peter was ribbed for being bad-tempered and cranky.

Then one of his companions solved the mystery.

The heat was the culprit. Left in the boot, the racquet buckled. 

“I can’t say I was pleasantly surprised. I was unpleasantly surprised,” he said.

It’s Just Not Cricket

See the man holding this cricket bat. We can’t show his face because he’s a dentist (remember that TV ad?).

Was this cricket bat a weapon?

Was this cricket bat a weapon?

We’re kidding. We can’t show his face because the picture doesn’t fit the spot on this webpage. But his face isn’t important to this story, anyhow (no offence). 

It’s the cricket bat that’s the story here.

You see, the bloke holding the cricket bat is a bouncer.

Bob “Minmi Magster” Skelton photographed him holding the cricket bat at Kootingal Bowling Club during the Tamworth Country Music Festival. 

“Mrs Magster turned to me and said ‘get a load of the size of that bouncer and the cricket bat he’s armed with. You’d better behave yourself tonight’.”

Bob’s reply: “Geez, they must be expecting a rough crowd”.

It turned out that the bat was being auctioned for the McGrath Foundation.

Two local teams had played a charity game, after which the players signed the bat in question.

“I can tell you, we were a bit worried at first,” the Magster said. 

  • topics@theherald.com.au