Jeff Corbett: Do you know where that tongue's been?

There are people who pick their nose at traffic lights, who break wind in lifts, who spit everywhere and anywhere, then there are people who kiss dogs. They sit at cafe tables, at benches along walking paths and wherever else in rapture while their dog slurps its tongue on and into their face.

Steel yourself to watch and you'll see that the dog is seeking flavour, working its tongue into the ears, nostrils and mouth. Whether they engage in this obscenity at home in private, or what they engage in at home, must remain a matter of conjecture.

The cruelly manipulated King Charles Spaniel is a favourite among those who enjoy kissing dogs. And Labradors, which are particularly enthusiastic slobberers. We used to have television ads featuring licking Labs, pertinently for toilet paper, but no more that I have seen. Sales probably dropped - buy this toilet paper and have a drooling Lab stick its ubiquitous tongue into your facial orifices! 

Don't they, a little voice in my head asks pointlessly whenever I see this scatological intimacy, know where that dog's tongue has been?

Of course they do, but the point seems to be that their love knows no bounds.

You know I suppose, I've asked a dog kisser occasionally, that your dog is a CPE? No, they'll ask expectantly, what is that? Cat poo eater, and the facial conversion from ecstasy to disgust is instant. If I get a chance I'll tell them that it warms my heart that the food I buy our cats often provides two meals.

Try it next time you see a dog kisser, and get a friend to video the horror.


I was very happy with my Samsung Note 5 phone and so I didn't want the software update. I've had Apple updates to iPhones that have left them so slow I've had to buy a new one -- fancy that! - and I've yet to see a software update for any of my devices that improved them or my life. So, no thanks. But Samsung plagued me daily until I acquiesced and overnight a few weeks ago the update called Nougat was installed on my phone. And my life changed for the worse.

Once or twice a day the phone would mute, so no ringtones or, importantly, alarm, until I restarted it. My first call to Samsung lasted almost three and a half hours! The person in The Philippines or wherever did a back-up and restore, factory reset and whatever else, assured me I wouldn't lose a thing on my phone, and there was no mention of the update called Nougat.

This didn't change a thing, other than delete most of my apps, so I called the next day without success again, and the next day I called Telstra where I have Stay Connected $15-a-month insurance deal for the phone. No problems, Telstra said, and the next day a brand new Samsung Note 5 arrived at the front door.

It had the same problem. I phoned Samsung, which gave me a number to give to a Samsung repair at Cardiff, which told me that it no longer had access to those numbers. Back to Telstra, whose technician came on my phone, did things, and the phone still went mute intermittently. So Telstra sent me a new phone. This, the second new phone, had exactly the same problem. More calls, more trials and tests, and Telstra sent me a new phone.

This, the third new phone, has exactly the same problem. Telstra, which I must say has been as helpful as it could be, offered to send me a fourth new phone. No thanks. Telstra offered me $20 a month off a new contract for an iPhone, and I'm thinking about it while hoping Samsung solves the problem with an update that works.

Sometimes I think we've become too clever.


I'm at historic Charters Towers, after a few days camped by the water at the beautiful and bird-rich Lake Elphinstone near Glenden. The mining towns in that part of central Queensland don't have much to recommend them, but some of the lakes and dams made or maintained to service mines and mining communities are a wonderful recreational resource.

Too weedy for fishing or catching redclaw crayfish at Lake Elphinstone, which was unfortunate because I found at Theresa Creek Dam that I can overcome my mild allergy to crustaceans if I pop an anti-histamine before eating them.

Next stop the Atherton Tablelands then Cairns. In the warm, sunny days up here I'm thinking of you back there.

Don't they, a little voice in my head asks pointlessly whenever I see this scatological intimacy, know where that dog's tongue has been? Of course they do, but the point seems to be that their love knows no bounds.


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