It’s a big call, but I think I have already found the front-runner for my hotly contested Yeah, Nah, You’re Just An Idiot award (2019). Just moments after pulling on my “2019: It’s gonna be a scream” t-shirt, I was intrigued by the musings of “award winning French author” Yann Moix.
Yann (pronounced ‘ya’) Moix (moron) has kicked off the year with a fascinating insight into, well, Yann. I’m pretty sure his award-winning philosophy is his Tinder profile. The 50-year-old has told Marie Claire that he’s incapable of loving a woman his own age and that he prefers “younger women's bodies”. Yann likes the ladies young … and Asian.
How unusual. I’ve never heard of an older man with a God complex (and some righteous moves) thinking he should break the disappointing news gently to all women over about 30 that he’s like catnip to 20-somethings.
I’ll describe Yann. He looks intense. Frown lines hint that he’s a deep, deep thinker. He looks heaps smart. Heaps smarter than possibly everyone, especially females. He appears to have all his hair, which has a rakish spattering of grey. Nothing about his face is extraordinary, except his eyes. They have the look of someone who has just drowned a bag of kittens.
Yann, in his defence, explains (no doubt with a haughty shrug) that he is “immature” and, in fact, “over-50 women are not attracted to me either”. That old chestnut.
I’m probably going to breach some female confidentiality clause here by revealing that an over-50 male on the make who uses “It’s just that women my own age are not attracted to me” line, is comedy gold.
I recall, when I was in my 20s, hearing this uttered at least a dozen times by older gents offering to buy me a Fluffy Duck.
As someone who is officially too old to receive any Yann lovin’, I must say that interest in my body has never been so intense.
Even before the antique French clock of desirability ticked over to 50, I had been sent a personally addressed bowel scan kit in the mail. This was followed by various other direct inquiries about my plumbing and offers of scans and screens.
While on the subject of screening, if you are a young, Asian female on Tinder, remember Yann’s face (alias: ‘Catnip’) and swipe left. Nobody’s got time for that.