I want to kick off by saying there is not a Knights fan out there hurting anymore than I am with the predicament we find ourselves in after five rounds of footy.
One win from our first five games is not the way any of us pictured things, particularly after the Sharks win in the opening round.
Personally, I'm not happy with my own form. And collectively as a group, we just haven't been able to put every aspect of our game together for the full 80 minutes to yield at least a few more wins.
It's tough because I hate losing and I haven't been in the situation of losing four in a row too often during my career. The fact is our attack hasn't been functioning like we want it to and as the halfback and captain, I take responsibility for that.
It's through no lack of trying hard to rectify things. I'm working my butt off to find my best spark within the team. But it is not as easy as flicking on a switch. I wish it was.
As a halfback, I want to be the standout player every week. I take the field for every game with that mindset. Be the best out there. So no-one is more frustrated than me with the way things have panned out so far.
If I'm honest with myself, I have probably been guilty of trying too hard at times to get the team functioning at the expense of getting my own game on song. And when you lose a couple of tight games and you don't nail the big moments when they come along, the confidence takes a bit of a hit.
Last year, I suppose everyone was rapt with how I was playing when I was coming up with those moments that were getting us some wins. It just hasn't quite happened this season for me yet and as a team, we haven't been consistently good enough across the 80 minutes to regularly get across the line in games.
It's nothing that a win or two won't fix and we are doing everything we can to get a win this week against the Titans and get the money off our backs. But it is not going to be handed to us. We are going to have to earn it and really roll up the sleeves and work for each other to get the job done and ease some pressure.
If you ask me what word best sums up how we have mostly been playing this season, I'd probably say frantic. That's how it feels at times on the field.
There is a nervousness about the way we have been going about things. Maybe it's the by-product of a loss of confidence, some second guessing and not enough trust in the process when things haven't gone to plan.
But the reality is we could and should be sitting in a much better position than we are if we had done just a few things better in close losses to Penrith and the Dragons.
To be fair, we were poor in the Canberra game and the start last week against Manly was totally unacceptable.
I don't know where that performance came from. It just didn't seem like we had our heads in the game for that first 15 or 20 minutes. We turned it around to a degree in the second half and gave ourselves a chance to salvage something out of it. But in the end, we just didn't execute well enough and gave them too big a start.
Credit to Manly. They were like a tidal wave early. They were big and strong and fast in that first half and they moved the ball really well and really put the heat on us. But we didn't respond like we should have and really struggled to hold them. We were a bit shell-shocked to be honest.
It took us until half time to have a breather and reassess but that first half was not something we want to recreate that's for sure. That was all about defensive attitude, which wasn't where it should have been and that's on us as players.
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So how do we get ourselves out of the hole we have dug?
As a team, we just need to turn up each week with a more confident mindset and be more clinical with the footy and more consistent around what we are doing. We've had some really good periods in games but they've been offset by the periods where we have dropped off and made too many errors in yardage that is costing us field position and putting us under too much pressure.
At times, our decision-making hasn't been where I'd like it to be and I take responsibility for that. That's something I have to get right. It's my job to manipulate and create the right plays to get us over the line and that's what I'll be striving to do over the next few weeks.
The Gold Coast Titans is almost must win for us now on Sunday. We need to get rid of that monkey.